Content Warning: This poem mentions suicide. If you or a loved one needs support, check here for resources: https://www.ccmhs-ccsms.ca/mental-health-resources-1 or consider calling your local MP to voice your concern for access to resources: https://www.ourcommons.ca/members/en
Bell let’s talk
But if I tell the compassionate academic about my suicidal ideation
Their only idea is a 5 day stay at the worst hotel, no stars
Bell let’s talk
But each morbid joke or phrase or thought or grace
Is quickly rebutted “don’t say that”, “don’t even” or “no”
As if the absence of a voice will make make my dark rumination slow to a stop
Even so
I’ve never wanted more
Than to slip three, four, more of those pills designed to help me stay happy
And lay at the bottom of the river
Let the cool water carry away
All the parts of me that I can’t
Bell let’s talk
But the narrative, the protocols, the stigma has stayed stagnant since 2004
On the same treatment plan we were 3 administrations ago
Bell let’s talk
About waiting lists and rural health and the triage of crisis and trauma
About underfunding, understaffing, overcrowding
Bell let’s talk
If I’m reaching for a lifeline, the only line I reach is the hotline
If I’m searching for a solution, resources blocked so I don’t get any ideas
I don’t need those
I came up with my own ideas
But not the right ones that get me closer to the glorified golden warmth inside
Bell let’s talk
But don’t talk about that
Wax Poetic by Julia Johnson 