Wax Poetic by Julia Johnson

I try to find myself in every moment of solitude

In an obsession to reaffirm my parts I’m proud of

In an obsession to change the parts I’m not

In an obsession to quantify every angle of my mind

In an obsession to qualify every hill on which I’ve died

My meditation happens best between the rumble strips in a 2009 Honda Pilot going 120 on the highway going back and forth between two homes 8 hours apart.

Or in my local aquatic center between the hard plastic ropes in a clingy one piece and goggles going back and forth in chlorinated laps 50m apart.

In both, my measured pacing lets me define myself to myself. 
A selfish act in two parts, deciding who I want to be tomorrow, the day after and the next.

With no plan of execution.
I am the executioner to my own demise.
The visionary to my own success.

I try to find myself in every moment of solitude
Only to end up back at the start.